Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
