Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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