Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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