Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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