wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
