Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
