i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
