Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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