Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
