i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
