Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Acid is not a monday night drug
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
