Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
