If that was your dad, he is hot
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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