I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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