Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
