I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
