She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
