cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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