I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
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Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
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Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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