i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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