your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I want to have your abortion
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
