I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
