i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
