I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
