I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
