Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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