Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
