After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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