I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
