I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
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It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize