I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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