There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
