Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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