your room smells of hookers.
And success
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
