Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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