New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
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There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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