She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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