and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
then he tried to convert me to islam
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
