I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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