A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
