yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
