Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
