Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
