it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
