She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
