Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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