Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
