I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
