Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
