I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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