so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
