No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
