Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
