I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
