You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
