So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
