she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
