am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
