I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize