I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
