im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
