No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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