Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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