I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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