Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Randomize
