The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
