What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
