I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
