We're like a lot better than the average bears
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
