No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
