By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
