Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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