Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
