i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
