My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
