I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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