Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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