why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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