am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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