I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
