How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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