I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
