Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
